


That one day in December

by Themoonandthesun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, AsaNoya - Freeform, Haikyuu - Freeform, M/M, Sad, haikyuu au, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themoonandthesun/pseuds/Themoonandthesun
Summary: Tw:mentions of suicide and thoughtsNishinoya doesn’t see a point in going on until a tall fellow came and saved him on that one day in December.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	That one day in December

**Author's Note:**

> Asanoya fanfic  
> Had an idea and rolled with it.

"I'm sorry Shimizu I really am." She looked slightly down at me. It felt as if she felt bad for me.

"Did you know?" I shook my head. I pondered but never came to a conclusion.

"I miss him." I tried to smile but it just wouldn't show. I felt weak.

———

"Yuu breakfast!" I've been awake.

I'm always already awake. The late night thoughts always kept me awake and it made me scared to fall asleep.

For the past two years I would always lay there staring at the blank empty wall. Over the two years I would point out the chipping paint and the color on the edges I tried painting over but seemed to always stand out. I would always count the corners in the room to keep my other thoughts at bay thinking 'eventually it'll hurt less if I keep myself distracted' and it worked at first but then it stopped. I didn't stop counting the corners thinking 'if I stop the thoughts might come back more eager' which seems messed up.

"Didn't you hear me?" The door opened revealing my tired mother.

"Not hungry." She sighed before looking at me.

I felt so still and so empty. I might as well be a lifeless corpse.

"It's always the 'not hungry' you have to eat eventually." I sighed then adverted my eyes to her face.

"I eat." I tried showing a reassuring face wanting to convince her I was fine but I know she knows that it's not all that convincing. Everyone knows it's not.

"You eat so little." She walked in the room sitting at the end of the bed. "How many?" She referred to how many times I've already counted the corners.

"Fifty." I mumbled.

"This morning?" She probably thought if she talked to me maybe I'll eventually talk back a lot more.

"Last night. I counted slow this time." I've always wished she would stop talking just so I can go back to peace and quiet. Peace and quiet is usually counting the chipped paint and corners.

"Why don't you go outside today? I hear it's kind of chilly out and might snow but I think it'll be good to stretch your legs and get some fresh air." I stayed staring at the door.

"Too tired." It's always the same response.

I already felt the cold weather seeping through the window.

She didn't say anything else. She stood up and walked to the door. She opened and closed her mouth ready to say something but decided not to. She walked out and closed the door.

"Fifty five now."

The air outside seeped through making the room more colder. It was a given it would probably snow. 

I continued to count but abruptly stopped. I sat up and looked out the window at the bright snow glistening. I groaned and turned away from the window. The glistening snow ended up hurting my eyes.

I got up and stretched before grabbing my coat and beanie.

"L-leaving?" My mother asked surprised.

"I guess so." I walked to the front door putting my shoes on and walked out.

The cold air enveloped me making me shiver. The snow piled pretty high but not enough to not walk in.

I started walking, not in any specific direction more like wherever my feet took me.

I would count the steps I took to distract myself. Different from my room obviously but at least it's a change of scenery.

I looked up and saw I wasn't anywhere near my house. It felt familiar yet I also felt lost.

I turned and saw his house.

I promised myself I would never come back to his house. No matter how hard I tried to force myself to I just couldn't bring myself to even go near his house.

I felt a buzzing in my pocket. I took it out and saw it was his mom. My thumb hovered over the answer button before clicking on it reluctantly.

"Aunty nows not a good time." I spoke into the phone. I turned and walked away from the house.

"You know he would love for you to come and visit. I would also love to see you." I would always end up giving her a lie.

"I'm just busy." I always told her.

'It's not like he's alive anyways' is what I wanted to say.

Sure passing by where he grew up was fine after a while but going in his house and seeing everyone and not him would be a whole different feeling.

"I send my condolences." I said with a smile. Never a happy one but always a sad one.

Smiling after that day seemed hard. If I did then maybe it meant I moved on when I haven't. It still hurts.

I walked along the sidewalk that piled with snow. I focused on the crunching of the snow and the soft talking amongst others as I passed the stalls. The quiet and almost empty street was almost comforting.

I remembered the last time I was here. I was walking here with him laughing and talking about random stuff that happened that day.

If he were here then we would've laughed and talked about our day. Talk about stupid things that came to mind while he would talk about this girl. I thought back to him. Smiling when there was nothing to smile about, laughing when a stupid joke was told, his laugh.

The honking of a horn brought me back to the real world and suddenly I felt numb again. No warm feeling in my chest, no smiles, no him. His existence is gone from this world and yet I'll continue to remember him. I'll continue to ache 

"You brat!" I turned around and saw a fuming older woman coming towards me. "You have time to stand here but not visit?" I sighed before rubbing the back of my head in embarrassment.

"Big sis didn't think I'd see you today." She punched my shoulder before pulling me in a hug. I was surprised but hugged back nonetheless.

"It's been a while. Did you just pass by our house? I could've sworn I saw you. If so why didn't you come say hi?" She pulled away and looked me up and down. She smiled then ruffled my hair. "Did you grow taller?" I rolled my eyes.

Always the same old joke.

"Did you shrink?" She laughed before actually getting a better look at me.

I was still the same height but the slouching probably made me a bit shorter. I wasn't my usual self, anyone who knew me could see that. I stopped spiking my hair up a while ago and the bags under my eyes probably didn't help with how bad I look.

"You look tired." I ignored her comment.

"Let's go eat. I'm starving." She sighed before putting an arm around my shoulder.

"Ah are you gonna make me pay?" She groaned.

It's not like I haven't noticed a change in my behavior. I've noticed but I find it hard to just go back to the way I was. It's not as easy as fixing a lightbulb.

"Seriously Yuu what's wrong? It can't be because of-" I didn't want to be reminded.

"Don't." I looked out the window trying to hide my face. I didn't wanna let her see my tear filled eyes. I didn't want her to see how weak I was.

My hands started trembling. I brought my hands together to stop them from trembling in case she saw. I wanted to be strong and happy so she wouldn't worry anymore.

"Yuu it's okay to hurt-"

"I just wanna be strong. Isn't it good to be okay." I thought it was better for myself. Keeping everything in while trying to comfort others. It's what everyone wants at least.

"Yes but not when you're faking it. We should talk about this. It's been two years and you haven't talked about it, you haven't cried, you barely spoke to any of us." I saw her look down out of the corner of my eye. She moved her hand over to mine wavering over it but never bringing herself to set her hand down on top of mine. She wanted to get something out of me, anything as long as I'm alright. I turned to her but never dared to look her in the eyes.

"I said I was busy."

"And I say that's bullshit!" I pulled my hands away from hers before she could dare to touch my hands and sighed. "Been busy what? You don't even work anymore. You moved back in with your parents?"

But I'm alive. Is what I wanted to say. At least I'm alive and breathing.

I'm here and I'm trying my best so why can't you just leave it alone?

I looked at her gentle face. She looked at me so saddened yet so pleading it made me anxious.

"I haven't had any motivation to do anything." She sat back in her chair. She wasn't going to press the matter anymore. I felt as if she was getting annoyed with my responses.

"The old oak bridge. Do you remember it?" She wasn't looking at me. She had her head down almost like she was angry but who could tell?

"Yeah we used to play by it." I thought back to when we were little and how we were warned to never swim in it. The currents were always too strong.

"I heard some...rumors." Rumors? 

She looked up at me and smiled, "Nothing just some rumors." About him.

After lunch we parted ways. She threatened me to call every once in a while and maybe visit but I didn't want to make any promises to her in case I can't keep them.

The snow got thicker compared to before. I looked up at the sky. It was white almost foggy. The sun wasn't out and I could tell it wouldn't be out for a while.

I started walking down the sidewalk to the old apartment. The snow would dent with each step I took which made me cautious of my speed.

It's not like I didn't wanna go see them, of course I wanted to see them but the pain I carried hurt more than the urge to see them happy and moved on.

‘Just go pay him a visit just once.’

My head would echo those words as if someone was whispering them to me. I gave it an excuse every time thinking 'eventually it would go away' even if in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn't.

Call it a guilty conscience or something.

I made it to the old apartment taking in the tall building. I pondered whether I should keep walking or just go in to visit an old friend.

I turned about to walk away but a voice called out to me, 

"It's too cold for you to just be standing there." I turned back and saw my old friend. "Come here Noya." The guy gestured for me to go to him. I walked over to him and gave him a hug.

I took in his woodsy smell mixed with lavender. He was warm as always no matter the weather which comforted me.

"Daichi." I breathed out shakily.

Daichi pulled away and looked at me as if he was trying to pinpoint what exactly was wrong with me.

"How have you been?" He smiled at me.

It was as if he didn't wanna mention how horrible I looked. It's not like I would've wanted to talk about it in the first place.

I looked tired. Anyone could take one look at me and think there's something off.

"Great." I smiled just like I used to years ago. It was never real even if I tried to convince myself it was.

Daichi showed a slight frown but quickly smiled. After a couple minutes of convincing me to go up to his apartment where he said I would be warmer I agreed.

"You should really be bundled up more. You know you freeze easily." I ignored his comment. "Suga would be mad at you if he saw you only wearing a beanie and a jacket."

"Sugas not my mom." Daichi opened the front door and we walked in. I took my shoes off and looked up to see a gray haired guy walking over to us.

"Welcome home." He stopped and smiled. A soft and welcoming smile.

"Noya? It's good to see you. Come in come in." Suga ushered for me to come in the apartment.

We followed Suga to the living room.

"How have you been? You look-"

"Bad? Tired? I know I heard it from someone earlier." I interrupted him.

"No I was going to say you look good for someone who lost their best friend." The dreaded topic.

The room fell silent besides a muttered 'thanks' from me.

The snow continued to fall heavily. It was getting dark quicker unlike summertime.

"Noya I didn't-"

"Yeah Suga I know." I was getting anxious. Bouncing my knee and biting the inside of my lip became habit over the years.

"I didn't think you would come back after-" Daichi nudged Suga warning him to stop.

"I guess it was something on a whim." The room fell silent again. The awkward atmosphere felt as if it was something you could reach out and touch.

After two years no one has brought up him and no one dared to in fear of hurting me. It was like an unspoken rule among the people who knew me.

"Would you like to stay for-"

"I have somewhere I need to be." I stood up startling the two on the opposite couch.

"You're welcome back anytime and if you need someone then-" 

"Thank you but I'm fine. Have a nice night." I bowed then walked to the door putting my shoes on and walking out. I had no thought of talking to them let alone coming back if they were going to bring it up again.

‘It hit you pretty hard than the rest of us.’

I dragged my feet through the thick inches of snow. My face scrunched up feeling the cool breeze hit my already freezing face. At this rate I might pass out.

'We'll grow old together. Make that promise.'

Stupid promise. You broke it anyways.

I walked to the old oak bridge that Saeko was talking about before. When I got there I was out of breath and on the ground of snow trying to gain my strength back to stand up.

'Oh cause you like keeping promises?'

'At least I can keep them better than you.'

Bullshit.

After a couple of minutes of pondering I dreadfully got up and made my way to the bridge. I looked down at the flowing water with a pain in my chest.

'He was your friend! Just admit that you're hurt and stop keeping all the pain to yourself!'

'He loved you.'

Then he should've stayed.

I stayed staring at the flowing water some more before thinking if I should jump or not.

"It's not a good idea." I stayed staring at the water.

"There's no point you know." I wiped my runny nose. "It's a given were all gonna die. Some sooner than others so why not just get it over with instead of dealing with the searing pain in your chest that you'll carry with you." I breathed a shaky sigh.

At this point I had given up. I had nothing else to loose so what was the point?

"You're just looking at the negatives. There's so many-"

"Just leave already and leave me be alright?" I shooed my hand at the person.

"Do you think this is better than living?" My face changed to shock. I turned and looked at the person. "You have so many more things ahead of you so why choose this route?" I shrugged. For the first time in a long time I was conflicted. My eyes went side to side trying to rack things up in my brain.

"I don't need your input." Was all I could say. "It's not like it has anything to do with you." I turned back to the flowing water.

I heard the crunching of snow coming closer then it stopped and suddenly I felt a presence next to me. I turned and looked up at the guy. He didn't say anything and he never made a move to stop me.

"What are you doing? I told you this has nothing to do with you." I pushed slightly raising my voice. I was getting irritated at this tall guy but the tall guy kept his composure.

"You jump I jump." I was baffled. I never thought I would hear those words face to face in my lifetime. The taller guy never looked at me but I can tell he was serious.

"You jump I jump? Are you insane?" I grabbed the taller guys arm and turned his body to face mine. "You don't even know why I'm doing this. For all you know I might be crazy." The taller guy kept a straight face the whole time. He showed he was serious with his actions yet I never saw why.

"You're not crazy. Anyone who wants to kill themself isn't crazy so don't say things like that." I knew I had to stop him. My face contorted to confused and angry.

"You have your whole life ahead of you." I looked down not wanting to meet his eyes. "Why with me? You have your whole life ahead of you." The tears fell from my face. The tears burned my cheeks.

"So do you." At that moment I understood.

"He'd want me to live." I mumbled to myself. I looked up and saw the guy smiling.

After a while I sat down in the snow looking at the snow fall.

"Yuu." The guy sat next to me. "My name is Yuu Nishinoya but just call me Noya." I said suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"Azumane Asahi but I prefer Asahi." I nodded suddenly feeling better. "So Noya What made you come here?" I was used to lying to people before but in this case I'd feel bad for the man.

"My friend." I paused. I felt a tightening feeling in my chest. The kind that felt like you were dying.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." But I wanted to. Deep down part of me always knew I needed to talk about it yet it was always painful. I didn't need to say it you can just see it on my face.

This is a complete stranger so I shouldn't care, right?

"My best friend passed away two years ago. He killed himself." I looked at Asahi. "I never knew why. He had a great life and he had this thing going with this girl and if you took one look at him you'd think 'a happy go lucky guy who has a perfect life' but I guess it was all fake." I started dozing off. "Everyone wanted me to be strong so that's what I did. I did it for Ryu." Maybe it was because of the snow and the cold or maybe it was the relief of telling someone after so long but I was so cold and tired.

"Noya?" I fell asleep because of being out in the cold for too long.

I woke up and saw I was somewhere foreign.

"I was scared you wouldn't wake up." I looked over and saw the big guy sigh a sigh of relief.

"It's not that big of a deal. I just freeze easily." I looked down and saw a blanket draped over me.

"I honestly didn't want you to die." I looked over at him and for once I was unsure of how I felt.

"Y-yeah that would probably be bad." I rubbed the back of my head. "Were you honestly going to jump if I did?" His eyes widened and he looked down at his lap.

"The whole time I was just hoping you'd end up changing your mind. If you ended up wanting to then I would've been very conflicted." I chuckled.

"I wouldn't have let you you know." I could've never dragged an innocent person in with my problems.

4 months later

"We're going Noya." Asahi stood in front of me holding my hand.

I was scared and nervous and I was unsure if they would be happy to see me.

"What if they don't wanna see me?" He shrugged and smiled.

"They'll wanna see you." 

"If they don't wanna see me then I don't wanna see them either." He sighed.

"Please don't say that." He started walking towards the door. I followed behind. Very reluctantly I knocked on the door and a couple seconds later the door opened. I looked up and saw Saeko.

"Yuu I wasn't expecting you! Who's this big guy?" She said all enthusiastic.

"I'm his-"

"Boyfriend so back off big sis." She smiled and held her hands up.

"Wasn't gonna steal him. Well don't just stand there come on in."

I ended up going in and saying hi to aunty which felt long overdue and once I did it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. I finally got the courage to see everyone and I felt okay for once.

"Hey before you go can I tell you something?" I turned around and smiled at Saeko.

"What's up?" She gave me a hug.

"You seem happier. I'm happy that you came to visit us." She pulled away and ruffled my hair.

"And for once please at least stop by every once in a while." I nodded.

For once I felt like I could keep that promise.

"Time for ice cream?" Asahi smiled but looked at me confused.

"When did you decide that?" I sighed and grabbed his hand.

"Since you promised." He shook his head and laughed.

"Never promised." I shrugged.

"Well then I decided just now! A new place opened up so we should go try their ice cream." He could never say no to me which seems nice every once in a while.

We walked in and got hit with the cool air. I walked over to look at the ice creams.

"Noya?" I turned around and was greeted by a orange haired kid and a blackish haired kid.

"Hinata!" I ran over and hugged him. "Did you get taller?" I asked inspecting him.

"A little? How have you been?" I smiled a genuine smile.

"Great! Better than ever." My eyes lit up. I grabbed Hinatas arm and dragged him to where Asahi was. "You have to meet Asahi!" I said excitedly. 

Definitely an improvement if anyone seen me now I would say so myself.

"Ah h-hi." Asahi stood up and greeted Hinata.

"Shoyo Hinata." He held out his hand nervously. I laughed and patted his back.

"He's not gonna hurt ya!" 

"Ah nice to meet you. Sorry for him." Then Kageyama greeted the taller guy. "Tobio Kageyama." 

"Azumane Asahi." We talked for a little before the two younger ones left. The ones who walked in next was Suga and Daichi.

"Looks like everyone wanted to see this place. Isn't that great Asahi!" I smiled.

"Noya? And you are?" And so the greetings begun again.

"You seem happier Noya." Suga commented.

"Yeah I guess I am." I turned and looked at Asahi. "Guess I just needed to talk to someone." Asahi smiled back at me.

"Well I'm happy you talked to someone." He smiled.

Yeah I guess I am too.

I'll never forget the day Azumane Asahi saved my life that one day in December.


End file.
